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Friday, September 30, 2011

Last visit

OK. I am ready to recap our last visit.
Birthmom arrived after a crazy trip of changing trains and buses. I had gotten her a train ticket so that she would be more comfortable then on a bus... long story short she ended up on a bus anyhow. BUT she got here. YAY.
We unpacked her and got settled and went to visit some of my friends.
She had brought gifts, necklaces she made, and trinkets from her home.
I thanked her and gave her the two purses I had collected for her.
Things went great. The first night we both slept on my couch. My birthmom is 5'11. LOL. I slept sitting up on end of couch. I really wanted to be near her and we continued to sleep this way during visit. I did not want to leave her side.
She was tired during most of visit. She actually did not get out of her house dress till the day before she left. WE did alot of sitting around. I cooked. She sat and ate. WE we just together.
I worked one day and then went to therapy. I came home and found her very upset and angry.
4 years ago after initial visit and fall out with birthmom ( we will call her S. I can't keep typing birthmom) I contacted and visited her step mother. Who gave me a box of her belongings and some childhood pictures.
Here is the story of how my birth mom became to be.
Step mom and dad were married had 3 kids.
Dad left step mom and married a lady named Chris who could not have children. They adopted S.
Chris DIED. Dad took S back to live with Step mom and went on to have more children with step mom. They NEVER told S. She to this day does not know....
She found out at age 19 she was not step mothers natural child... from finally getting a hold of her birth certificate.... but as we know it was the adopted birth cert and had Chris's name on it.
At this time she was told Chris had died.
What I was given at the meeting of the step mother was all of the information regarding her adoption. and pictures. I packaged up these things and sent them to a friends since I had NEVER told S. I thought and knew she would be mad for me going to see step mom.
So.... are you following? It's confusing.
She found two pictures.
found out I went to see step mom
found out her dad is dead.
I told her about the adoption- she did not believe me and I left it at that.

She was very angry and was very mean to me for two days.
WHO could blame her. I went behind her back and did not tell her for 4 years.
But alas we made up. I apologized. She thought I had " balls" to go do it anyhow....
and it's done.
She left 2 days early but all in all a good visit.
That's all I can do for now... not very deep I know... not profound but its the facts of my journey to this woman who is my mother.


aja said...

wow! that is heavy!

I never got to say goodbye said...

Hi Aja! I am struggling with writing since I am so out of practice with it.... but I will keep typing along and maybe someday it will make sense.

aja said...

i've been trying to keep up with it, too. e-mail me if you wanna chat!