Well- thank you for the replies I have receieved. I have had a TON of changes happening in the last 2 months which have taken me away from the computer but I am anxious to get back to this blog and do plan to continue and expand on it.... as I have a lot to work thru and would love the feedback from others as I do.
I have figured out a ton of things since I finally decided to look into my adoption as being the root of my "issues" instead of being a non issue( at all!) and this from someone who has been in and out of therapy for 10 years!!! My precursor- I'm adopted- but very fine with it so we won't even discuss it( which btw never was questioned by any therapist)
So now- wow.... so much has changed.
After finding my bdad and seeing that he was a normal, nice guy- who was - hmmm alot like me- kind of the flood gates opened and I started to see myself as a normal nice lady- instead of there being something inherently WRONG or flawed with ME!
And then I came to the conclusion that - hmmm.... I didn't deserve to be in a shitty marriage....
So I left my husband of 4.5 years with our two kids in tow and relocated to my hometown. This of course is really worth about 15 blog entries.... and will be once I have a moments time.
We have our own place now thru a family services agency and I am starting a full time job TOMORROW! ( Wish me LUCK!)
I have also come to some conclusions about my adoption and the ways it has affected me and the ways that the effects could have been minimized for me- by some things being handled differently- and I have also been able to seperate some things off of my adoption and onto my parents having an extremely verbally abusive relationship both with each other and with me as well- I highly reccomend the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by P. Evans- www.amazon.com )
I have also found that mixing these two major things together- really really was .... not so good for me.
This is all for now- but you have alot to look forward to as I have really really come a long way in a short time- and all because I thought to think that maybe - just maybe- my adoption did affect me.... and maybe it would be okay to admit it - and maybe by talking about it- that would help.....
THANK GOODNESS- how many years have I lived- and how many would I have lived- feeling guilty for thinking this- and not dealing with it-
If you know an adoptee- or are an adoptee- please know- IT IS OKAY TO CARE.
Peace to you and yours!