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Monday, September 24, 2007

catching up and my bdad visit

Hi all interested parties- I am wanting to post once a week at this point on various adoption related issues and my life.

I am going to start by catching you up on the last few months of my life.
After leaving my husband on May 1 my kids and I stayed with my adoptive parents for 3 weeks when my brother( their bio child) was to come home after graduating college and they for lack of a better term- asked us to leave( you know- kicked us out) since my brother and I do not get along..... at all. this happened on a saturday them full well knowing that I got to move into the Domestic Violence transitional housing shelter on Tuesday....
I thought they should ask him to find another place to stay for a few days since he is one person and I have 2 kids and not as many friends- but alas....
then they had a graduation party for him that we were not invited too until people started asking where we were. lol.
anyhow.... the kids dad stbx was up for the weekend and we were forced to stay in the hotel with him as we had nowhere else to go. This arrangement suited my folks.
so we got into our apartment on tuesday and stayed there until the end of August when I rented our first apt.
Our divorce is in the works and hopefully will be completed in a few months.

In July I got a job at a chiropractic clinic I worked at in High School and we started off on our new life of daycare and working long hours training for the positions I was to fill.

I also waitress a few nights a week..... so unimportant right now though....

I am going to share with you the visit with my biological dad.

We were meeting in a hotel in Chicago.... I brought my 2 children and two teen babysitters along to help with the kids. We drove into Chicago early in the morning and by the time we were two turns away I did not want to go. I collected myself enough and we parked.... and then I saw him in the door. He walked up to us and we hugged- no tears or anything but just looking at each other and stuff. We went into the hotel together and visited for a bit. We then checked into our rooms and the kids went swimming while he showed me albums of his family( he has 9 brothers and sisters- his twin sister who is deceased and my dd look very very similar. There were no outstanding similarites I felt between any other of his siblings to me but one. But in pictures it is hard to tell. We talked a bit but it was awkward.... I just wanted to look at him and see me in him.
Then we prepared for lunch with my parents. I asked them to join us for lunch and it went well. We took the kids( against my request) and ate at a nice italian meal. It was so funny watching my dad and my dad talk. It was obvious to me how much more like my bdad I am than my adad but I was pulling for both of them ya know. I think it was importnat for my parents and for my bdad to meet each other My parents could not get over how much we looked alike( they have never met my bmom!)
They are more open about my being adopted now and my son openly says he has 3 grandpas and includes his biological grandpa John.

Then we went back to the hotel and hung out. I think I took a nap cause I was just so overwhelmed and the kids and babysitters went to the store.
We went out to dinner and then at night he showed me slides from Africa when he was in the peace core.
My biggest finding from being with my dad was that....If he would have been my dad he would have liked me.... unlike my adad who just doesn't. I know you may say- what your dad not like you? Hmmmm...
My mom is a very submissive woman. My dad is not attracted to strong intelligent women- he is intimidated by them and talks badly about them.
When I asked my bdad what my bmom was like he described me. that is what he found attractice- important- etc.

Anyhow- that is all I can do for now. I have put so much of my adoption stuff on a shelf or integrated it and it is very useful..... to me to know- but anyhow- it is hard to go into for me due to the other stuff going on in my life.
I hope you can appreciate my attempts to write about these things right now as I am doing it very much for you the reader and not so much myself as before since it is not exactly where I am right now- but I do feel I have worthwhile things to say.
Maybe ask me a few questions and I can answer them to get into it.... feel free.
Much peace to you all

1 comment:

aja said...

thank you so much for blogging this all out. your experiences and thoughts/feelings are a priceless part of my parenting resources.