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Saturday, December 24, 2011

My oh my Merry Christmas

Sorry I have not posted lately I have been busy falling in love.
And dealing with abandonement issues due to having someone in my life I care about and don't want to leave. He puts his shoes on and I think he is leaving me forever. He knows this about me and is very sensitive to my needs which is great. He will say I am going to put my shoes on and go to car to get something and I will be right back in ok.
Ok. But until he gets back in I think secretly to myself he is leaving.... I have offended him in some way or he just KNOWS that I really am no good and he can do better.
Oh how I wish I could manage to retrain my brain....
It is so much nicer now tho than when I was younger. At least I know now I am like this and can manage my emotions a little better.... or keep things to myself that make me look strange to others.
Kids are off to their dads and I am home alone. Going to Christmas with a lady I clean for and her family so nice of them to invite me.
Today I am procrastinating cleaning my house. It s just tooooo bad and toooo messy toooo big of a task.... WAH WAH WAH. I don't want to be a grown up lol.
My bmom called this morning and we had a good talk. Amom and Adad come the 27th for Christmas here.
I really just can't wait for it to be over

3 comments:

Rebecca Hawkes said...

I get this. I spent a good part of my life reenacting the original separation by seeking out partners who were guaranteed to leave me. Eventually, I decided I'd had enough of that and found someone who will stay around ... I think. I say "I think" because although he has been in my life for almost a decade now and has given me every reason to believe he's in it for the long haul, there's still a little part of me that is constantly expecting his departure. All that therapy! All that work! I've come so far, I've made such progress! And yet, there is still that little piece!

I never got to say goodbye said...

I don't know if it will ever go away. Luckily he is good with reassurance and does not balk when i ask for it. we are now making plans for this summer and that is reassuring!

I never got to say goodbye said...

I don't know if it will ever go away. Luckily he is good with reassurance and does not balk when i ask for it. we are now making plans for this summer and that is reassuring!