It has come to my attention that not all the people reading things written on the computer are good people. They are not all nice.... caring, compassionate people. Some are mean. Be it because they are bored, insecure, or just hurt as children..... they spend their time reading what is written about others lives and then bashing it- to others - on the computer as well.
This totally gets under my skin. For one- being so naive to not ever even think about this happening. For two- being so totally open about myself on the computer and to think about - What if someone is making fun or being vicious about me out there in cyberspace?
And then it occured to me that it does not matter. Yet again- I remember that others opinions of me and what I stand for, believe in, do or say is not important.... it is how I feel about myself that is. I hope I can learn this lesson and instill it in my own kids.
So I went to one of these places where women- mostly- other mothers are bashing- yes- OTHER MOTHERS. Because- they are different- not like them.... WEIRD.
And it made me think of all the things I do- that my adoptive family deemed- different, not like them..... WEIRD.
And how being raised outside of my first family has affected me.... A concept I do not even begin to believe I can understand now- or possibly ever will.
I will give an example.
Pretty much my whole life I have used the phrase- "ya know" Much like a Canadian would use the term "eh" in his/her speech. I have been ridiculed and even punished by my father and mother for doing this. They thought if they just scolded me enough for this weird thing I said- then I would stop.
I never thought of this being out of the ordinary experience for a child to go through. Many parents criticize their child for using improper language or grammar.
Imagine my surprise when I spoke to my birthfather and I found that he too.... uses the term " ya know" the same way- as I do- possibly even more than I do.
This is a small snippet or a small issue in my life and my adoption. One had I not met him- Iwould have never thought twice about- not why I say it- why my parents get so mad about it- or even how to stop. It isn't something I could stop- it is just in me.
It does however make me wonder- how many other things- viewed by my parents as being odd, different, not like them, weird- would have been perfectly common place in my orignal family?
How could adoptive parents deal with things like this now as to not alienate their childs true self into something that is odd, bad, different and just who they are. How can we encourage knowing what to respect and not to?
And to what an extent has this affected me. What would my life have been like if I had had people genetically related to me- by my side? Assuring me- not in words- but by the mere act of being- that I was okay .