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Friday, April 6, 2007

To be adopted.....

I never really got what it meant to be adopted.... I barely think I even do now..... what has my adoptions impact been on me- the ME I am and the ME I was intended to be? Every experience impacts us and shapes us- some more than others but all life is learning....

What happened to me in the 12 days from the day I was born to the day my adoptive parents got me?
My amom(adoptive mom) recalls me being kept by an older woman. That is all the information they have..... it was a holday weekend- or was it the doctor was out of town... either way- They had a delay and I had to stay with this older woman for longer than expected......
How old, who was she with, what was her name? Isn't it funny I have never before thought to ask these questions. All my life- I just thought- Oh ok. I was kept by an old woman....

did she rock me to sleep- did she sing to me? Did she call me something- what was my name?
I wonder who this woman was- when she got me? Was I just hours old- days? Was she a foster parent with the state or a person working for the adoption agency? Did she do this often- and were there other babies there?
And of course the question at the bottom of this is- WHY does no one have this information?
Why will I never know?
Who has the answers to these questions?
Would they tell me if they even had them?

I think of my babies early days- and I picture the baby me- wondering what is going on- peacefully sleeping- crying? Wetting , hungry. What was this older womans parenting beliefs? Did I get to eat on demand or did she have me on a schedule?
After I was born did the nurses hold me or did they just go back to their shifts? Were they too busy that night to notice the little orphan baby girl?
What impact- if any did those 12 days have on me?
How would I ever even know?

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