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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

nmom's birthday

Tomorrow is my nmom's birthday... I have not talked to her since she left in August, I know I am hurting her and I dont know why I can't just send her a letter.
I will today.
I was so upset with how she put me down at our visit. So betrayed... here I invited her into my life and she used her words to cut me with a knife. I took it better this time... it s just her pain around me not having a perfect life and being not perfect.... she holds people to a high standard I suppose.
She will be 53 today.... I will be 31 on the 30th. 22 years apart. Funny I had my son at 22. Inertia.

On a personal note- I have two dates this weekend. I don't know how ready for a relationship I am. I have tried fighting the need to be rescued.... and don't want to date till I am whole but that will never happen. So I am testing the waters so to speak. I don't want to be alone forever....
Being close to people is like rubbing sand paper on a sunburn to me.... But Sunburns heal and I am healing to.

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