Chronic Pain

I was in a car accident a few years ago and went thru lots of physical therapy and procedures and visits to a neuro surgeon. What worked finally to reduce my pain was massage. I need one. I am in so much pain today the thought of going to work( I clean houses) is mind boggling.
I don't want to- it hurts! My arm has shooting pains going down it and my neck and shoulder. WHINE!

I don't know why I am writing on this topic....

I know it was hard for my birthmother to accept the fact that the life she wanted for me was not the life that it turned out for me.
I am a divorced single mother who cleans houses for a living. I did go to college but did not graduate I have a year left.
She will say from time to time- at least you have them for financial support now- if you got divorced and did not have them I could not help you how they can. And she is right.
But I know it is a hard pill for her to swallow.

She wanted better for me.... and alas.... maybe it was better in ways- not in others.
SO hard to wrap your mind around. The what if's.
What if she kept me.... what if she got her act together- got off the streets , got on financial assistance. Got into a housing program, went to a shelter for women, what if she kept me?
My mother is very smart- intelligent, engaging, well read. She is also a recovering drug addict and an alcoholic...

Anyhow we also have chronic pain in common, she has been in many accidents and lives in chronic pain daily too she hates it for me. She wanted better for me.... and my life is really not all that far from hers.