This is something I don't do ... very often....
but even with all my dysfunction and troubles... I have two really great kids... and in all honesty- it is not because of me- it is mostly in spite of me and they are just truly some really really great kids!
And i want to tell you about them... and me... and how things are...
My son who I will call K, is 8 years old and going to be 9 in June. He loves to read and learn and is very gifted thinker. He is very caring and concerned with others feelings. He is a genuinely good person and I love who he is becoming.
He is now into baseball- He has played for 2 years and he has just made the ALL STAR traveling team here in town.... Very cool. I love to watch the games and his dad my ex-husband coaches his team. I am one proud mama!
My daughter is 6- We will call her L. She is a doll. An absolute doll. She has the cutest ways and this curly crazy hair I just never can quite figure out what to do with!
She loves to sing and dance and be a girl. She is funny. She is expressive. She is my girl and she is growing up so fast!
She is involved in a cheerleading group this summer- I never was a cheerleader and had absolutely no interest - but she does so off to cheer practice we go. With this group she gets to cheer in parades and at a Minor League Baseball Game in July. That will be fun for her.
Today my son asked to see pictures of his cousins who live in Canada on facebook. I have not met my cousins children as - they live in Canada and we are not close though we do chat from time to time on FB. He looked at the pictures of his second cousins and said I know I don't look like them because you are adopted he said I look like my dad's family- which in fact is partly true- but he does resemble my birthfamily. I said no sweetie you don't. Do you want to see pictures of our birthfamily? So I showed him the facebook pages of the family on my birthdad's side that I have as friends ( 4 people) and he thought it was really cool how I looked like my aunt and her daughters( my first cousins) and how he resembled her sons.
It has come to my attention that many adoptees do not tell their children about being adopted to spare their adoptive parents feelings or avoid uncomfortable questions. I told my children at young ages about adoption and that I was adopted. Of course I did this in simple terms. As they get older, they understand more and sometimes ask questions.
Sometimes- like in the story below when my amom is around....
The last time my adoptive mom visited we were out shopping together and my daughter was sitting in the back of the car and stated quite clearly "I have three grandmas! Now mom, is grandma like your step mom?" YIKES! I handled it well and told her again about how I grew in S's tummy and she could not take care of a baby so she gave me to grandma J. OH MY. My mom handled it well thankfully she even pointed out that my daughter in fact has more then 3 grandmas and entered the discussion. My daughter does not remember even meeting my birthmom and it was twice that she did and the only contact they have is through gifts and cards and an occasional phone call.
I understand why adoptees would be cautious about telling their kids to keep things like this from happening.... since kids do not know the meaning of- we really don't talk about this in front of adoptive grandparents....I personally made the right decision for my family...
Are my kids affected by my adoption?
Short answer- the way I see it... YES.
More on that later.