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Friday, July 6, 2012

buyer's remorse...

This is the title that this AP chose for her post on an adoption board... very sad.

Please thoughts and prayers for this child.

I recently adopted a 6-year-old from China, my 3rd child.  The whole family was part of the decision, as my older daughters had long wanted a little sister.  My partner actually selected the “waiting child” we adopted.  The transition has had typical difficulties: temper tantrums at first, sleeping problems, communication issues with English as a second language, and sibling jealousy.  What I was not prepared for was for my partner to decide that “this is too much trouble; give the child back.”  Of course, I’m not willing to do that.  Has anyone else experienced anything like this?  How did you deal with it?

8 comments:

Susie said...

That poor child. I hope this mom gives up her partner, not her daughter.

I never got to say goodbye said...

It is so hurtful to see this as an adoptee... It pains me.

Meg and Ken said...

Omg,I second Susie's remark.

Davetheshreve said...

I was adopted when I was 4, The family that adopted me, made me quite aware that they wanted to "take me back" my "adopted mom" called childrens serv. many times when I was between 4 and 7. telling them she was tired of me and wanted to return me. I am 46 yrs old now. I am still haunted by that thought. To be rejected once by my bio. mother, then by the people who adopted me. I will struggle the rest of my life I am sure, with the belief I am not lovable. My heart breaks for the Chinese girl. Her little heart will never mend from such hurt.

I never got to say goodbye said...

Davetheshreve- I am so sorry to hear this... how awful.. I think it is so much more common than people think and another dirty little secret of adoption....

Davetheshreve said...

I have read and heard many times, that children who have been adopted, when they grew up struggled with believing they were lovable. Recently I read a book called. "Feelings buried alive never die" by: Karol K Truman. It is a very good book, I would recommend to anyone who has been adopted or who has any type of abuse in their childhood. In the middle, the book sounds like it is getting a little weird in ideas. But once you finish the book. It all comes together and makes sense.

I never got to say goodbye said...

Thanks for the recommendation!

Davetheshreve said...

I have been reading a lot of blogs and have heard a lot of people who adopted a child and now feel that was a mistake. I wrote a blog on here to try to add some understanding (from my perspective) on the whole emotional dysfunction that gets misconstrued as bad children/bad parents. The blog address is: http://davetheshreve.blogspot.com/2012/07/there-is-peace-in-understandingfrom.html