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Saturday, April 21, 2012

I talked to him- it went decently well- he basically said he wished I had waited till his boys were well on their way- whatever that means- I mean they are 17 and 19 and the 17 year old is either going to stanford, harvard or yale- I mean really-???

Anyhow- he said if I want to meet the family fine but he won't be there-and I said that is your choice.

We talked for about 30 min just catching up and at the end he said I love you. I said it back.

But really- is this what love is? Is this the way we treat our children? It's not the way I treat mine.

Anyhow- its over now- I was so nervous about the phone call- and it is done. I told him my intentions- agreed to not contact his sons- I mean- I really don't want to anyway- what would I say? I am happy to meet the rest of the family and happy I am not doing it behind my dads back.


Linda said...

Your siblings will find out about you, especially if you are in contact with the rest of your family.

Im curious as to why you told him that you would not contact your siblings. Did you mean not now, or ever? Ever is a long time....

I never got to say goodbye said...

I told him not now I don't know- I just do not want to have it come from me- they are a very tight knit family and I think if they perceive it as me attacking their dad or trying to do him wrong it could backfire on me. They do not really know the rest of the family- so I don't know if they will find out or not- he has not took them to visit them in 5 years. I think in all honesty my dad is ashamed of where he came from and hides it from his sons since they live such a different life than those in nebraska- that's just my hunch. I really don't want to tell them until the younger boy is away at college at this point.... which is just a year away and a lot can happen in a year. For now I have one more piece of the puzzle- the go ahead on meeting my family in nebraska- and really I have waited 7 years I can wait one more- and then- since that is the time frame I was given oh 5 years ago- and agreed - I will go with. Its just so damn stupid- I mean what does he think is going to happen? I would love to hear from some people who found out they had a sibling later on in life and see if it destroyed their life and world the way my dad thinks it will.... I just highly doubt it- their lives will not change at all- nor their perceptions- I mean there dad had sex when he was 27 and it resulted in a child- he was not involved in putting me up for adoption or anything - so it's not like they will think how could you do that? He was not even in contact with my mom. He is just ashamed of himself and has no reason to be... So that's just where we are now- ever evolving.

Linda said...

I understand. Having a sibling doesn't destroy their lives, but it may put in a dent in their relationship with the parent who lied to them. You are correct- he is ashamed- not of you, but by his own behavior, and it will only get worse. Its all so hard. xoxo