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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

So.... a girl I used to go to church with is a transracial adoptee- she is African American and her mother and father are white.  She is on my facebook and today is her birthday her mother is on my facebook to.

For one- I got annoyed that her father and mother are pastors of a small church and she just announced on facebook that the mother is obsessed with Coach purses and got her one for her birthday.  I just don't get the whole Coach purse thing so that had me rolling my eyes- but here is the kicker.

The mother says 27 years ago today we got to bring you home.  That is nice- acknowledges her not being born of her- that is good.

On down the mom says 27 years later and I still have your stretchmarks.    Ummmm.... weird.

Then the daughter says I love you mom you are beautiful and I get my looks from you....  UMMMM.. no you don't.  For one- they look nothing alike and two- she is not biologically related to you at all. 

It just made me sad.  And weirded out....  I mean really? 

I am super sensitive lately I guess and maybe they were just joking around- but I know on my birthday I always think of the woman who gave birth to me- and I also highly doubt this woman was brought home on her birthday- she surely had to spend a day or so in the hospital right- especially 27 years ago- anyhow- the whole thing just made me go- what are they talking about???

I am just rambling- but it's like when you get a red car- and you notice everyone has red cars- ....

when i get interested in adoptee issues- it seems like adoption nonsense is all over the place- from my kids cartoons to jokes on facebook....  The other day there was a picture of a baby crying and a older child sitting next to the crying baby....

Under the caption it says- I just told him he was adopted!!!  LOL!!! 



Foxxy One said...

I've seen that photo and I always call people out on it.

As far as your friend... I actually get it. It's hard to put it words so bear with me as it may not come out right. Growing up, I wanted my Mom to be my "real" mom. I wanted her to accept me 100%. While not transracial - we look so different we might as well be. If someone told me I resembled her, I'd be over the moon happy. I'd say things like her Mom says all the time in a desperate attempt to erase my past and create my own reality. Maybe by saying these things, she's erasing her past. Erasing her infertility, erasing some other traumatic things in her soul. I don't know. I just... get it.

I never got to say goodbye said...

My mom does the same thing- she says that I have my great grandmothers nose - but has never shown me a picture of said great grandmother. I don't know why they do that. My mom and I look enough alike that people say we look alike a lot- all thru growing up- it depended on who it was my response- it is just a signal to me that their are issues there that probably need to be worked through because pretending your adopted child or adoptive mother looks like you- is just not true. Of course we wished we had a genetic identity that linked us to our parents- but it's not true.

I never got to say goodbye said...

Oh and also my mom detests my daughters curly hair as my birthmom has her same curly hair( and a lot of other similarities) people always ask where she got that hair from and its clearly from my birth mom- my ex husbands brother has slightly curly hair so she insists it comes from him- totally deleting my genetic parts in my children.